Week 28

The belly is getting rounder...check it out.

Week 27

Nursery is Painted!!

Benjamin Moore's "Jack Frost"

The Baby Product Industry

I was recently listening to my favorite radio station, NPR. I think it might have been Science Friday (a gem of a show for nerds who love learning like me). They were talking about how the universe is limitless--without end. The speaker was contrasting this concept to our world's borders in which everything has an end eventually (if you keep traveling you'll come to the end of a city or state or country). The universe, in comparison, has no end at all but keeps unfolding onto itself. Hard concept to grasp....until you enter the realm of the BABY PRODUCT industry as a new mom.

The baby product racket is endless like the universe itself. This is a double-edge sword, of course. On the bright side, there are endless choices that have been rated, tested, reviewed, and revised--all promising to make life better for the parents or your baby. I have always been glad to have been born in this modern-age (medical advances, technology that connects us, etc) and so I embrace the opportunities that my child will have that I didn't or my parents didn't as children.

Yet, there is a nagging part of me that asks, "But people have been having babies for centuries and they never had any of these things??" For instance, the wipe warmer. Sounds like a luxury for baby but do I really need to spend $30 to keep my baby's a$$ from experiencing the cold swipe of a wipe. There is also the need that I feel to read about research all the products for which I am registering. Currently, I am reading 2 books that help guide the new parent in their product selection. Helpful-yes. Overwhelming and anxiety-producing-yes! I overplan for weekend trips so imagine what kind of investigation I am putting into this endeavor. (SIDE NOTE: I always promised myself that I would read Anna Karenina when I became pregnant and I have neglected this enjoyable pursuit with only 100 days left in this pregnancy!) Lastly, I don't even know my son yet and I am already guessing what his preferences will be. Sure, lots of babies love to be swaddled but what if HE hates it? What if he doesn't like a certain pacifier or bottle? Or he hates the stroller (I really hope this doesn't happen because walking is going to be THE way that I lose all of this weight I have gained)? All what-ifs, an endless amount of what-ifs!!

Coming back to the universe-baby product industry analogy, I guess I have to resign myself to the idea that life is full of these endless possibilities and that all I can do as a new momma is to make my best guess at what our new life will like and be like. Keeping in mind that these are just guesses and embrace the discovery that will happen when he finally comes.

Week 24

Week 23

Getting Bigger by the Day!

This looks like I have a black eye, but I assure you that I am fine!

Baby's big bro and sis having some fun together...

Snakes, Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails!!

We are having a boy! Josh and I couldn't be happier to bring a son into this world in March. He'll pass along the McKenrick name, always love his momma, and play Legos with his architect dad. Knowing what this little thing is that has been moving inside of me for the last few weeks and growing inside of me for five months (really, it's been 5 months-I am so proud of myself!!) goes a long way in the "hang in there" department. Now I get to call him by his name--a secret that Josh and I are trying to keep until he comes. I get to think about what he'll play with as a little boy and what he'll be like when he grows up.

I'd just like to comment briefly on the way that our baby's gender was revealed to us. We eagerly informed the ultrasound tech that we would like to know the baby's sex. She just as eagerly reminded us that it may not be possible to find out during the hour long exam (I mean, really 1 hour for measuring nearly every body part and you can't guarantee that you'll be able to see if it's a boy or girl). OK, I had come to terms with this possibility--even though I was pretty sure that no son or daughter of mine would disappoint his mother and father by being too shy. Plus I'm pretty sure that I can get it to move around fairly on cue at this point with a cough or a little jostling. Getting back to the exam, it began as normal. I was in awe of how big our baby had grow in the last 8 weeks since we got to see it. Then amongst the other talk of "here's its arms and there's the spinal cord," she just said "well, it's a boy." No build up or warning at all!! I would have appreciated a little bit more anticipation. Maybe "alright you want to know the sex? It's a....BOY!" But she was truly unimpressed and went on naming the body parts that affirmed her statement that it was a boy. In fact we have 2 photographs that highlight the proof that we are having a son. Believe me, these will be something that I show his fiance one day.

Boy or Girl?

In less than a day, we will know what gender our baby is...well, hopefully. My health insurance does the big 20 week sonogram and will tell you the sex if the baby is cooperating (meaning if he/she is showing off that area). Most people who know me would peg me as a someone who would want to find out. I admire those that wait the full nine months (I have 2 friends who are doing this; one just had a beautiful little girl and the other is due in December). But I am a planner and I really don't like surprises in general. I have been counting down the days until our big appointment next Monday. Let the flood of gender-related paraphernalia from grandmom and grandpa begin. My money is on a boy--for the record. But Josh keeps reminding me that it's a 50-50 shot. So we'll see!

I feel like I have hit a stride with the pregnancy and come to terms with my hesitant feelings about it.

More pictures of the belly

Petey loves the baby, too!

A Growing Belly

This picture was taken about week 15 or 16. Just a little bump.

Princess Pregnant, Early Bedtime, and Cravings: The Perks of Pregnancy

I am nearing the end of the first trimester. I had 2 sonograms this week, and a lot has changed with Baby McK. Unfortunately, Josh couldn't go with me due to new status as a grad student. Fortunately, my sister, mom, and dad were able to come with me and sharing the experience with them was pure joy. Baby McK moved around a lot during the sonogram this morning--amazing to see! And all the "tests" have come out well so far, relieving mom/me of a lot of pent-up anxiety.

Embracing the positive side of pregnancy has been getting easier. Although, I do still have cravings for a glass of wine or beer or a drag from a cigarette (I wasn't a regular smoker before, I just hate being completely restricted from it or anything else). At our family vacation a couple of weeks ago to Key Biscayne, FL, my sister-Jackie-dubbed me "princess pregnant." Now I have to say that I have been a very atypical pregnant lady and have not had many, if any, terrible mood swings. Overall, I have been pretty even. I would hope that those closest to me would agree with this; Josh does but he may be just saying this to not rock the boat. The title princess pregnant came from sheer spaciness on my behalf. My sister and I were walking into a restaurant to use the restroom. And as I approached the door, I just stood there as if expecting someone to open it. This was dubbed princess pregnant behavior. Although I don't think I am acting like a diva/princess/bitch, I had fun pulling this card whenever making my opinion known. And my family liked to label any request I had as me being princess pregnant.

Other perks of being pregnant include:
-early bedtime without being called a dork (I have to say that I have been so lucky to have the whole summer off to enjoy my first trimester)
-new friends (being pregnant enters you into a new sorority with other pregnant girls)
-giving into cravings (chocolate cake, chicken salad, snickers ice cream bars)

Accentuate the Positive

After reading my previous 2 post, I realize that I have only written about my negative feelings associated with becoming pregnant. This really doesn't represent my full range of emotions. So, this post is to celebrate all the wonderful things that I am experiencing now and am looking forward to experiencing very soon.

First of all, we saw our baby this week. That was pretty crazy! There is only 1 in there (my husband thanked all the gods for that blessing. I was secretly hoping for twins or triplets, just to see the color drain from his face. Cruel, I know.) It was truly amazing to see raspberry's heartbeat (that is what we are calling him/her these days) flickering on the screen. The doctor told us that raspberry looks just beautiful and perfect. Our sonogram picture is, well, a blurry blob. Really not distinguishable at all. But Josh and I think we made out the beginning bumps of raspberry's profile. It is reassuring to know that our raspberry is indeed in there and doing well--actually "beautiful and perfect" to be precise.

Another fantastic part of being newly pregnant is telling my friends and family. Most of them know how excited (perhaps anxious is a better word) I have been about becoming a mom. It is amazing when you can actually hear someone grinning over the phone. One friend nearly started crying with excitement (she is pregnant, too, so we may chalk this up to hormones, but I will take it). Many of my friends are becoming moms or are new moms themselves. And like with anything that is new, it is helpful to have others on the journey with you. One of my favorite reactions was my sister-in-law, Danielle, who squealed upon hearing the news.

Lastly, the pregnancy has brought me closer to my husband, Josh. We were already a great team to begin with, so it has surprised me how much closer I feel to him now. I love that we are doing this together and that he is becoming more and more invested and excited about it as the days go on. I am looking forward to actually parenting the baby with him. That will be a challenge that I know will make our relationship thrive.

The Lull

I'm about 7 weeks pregnant, right now. Haven't had a doctor's appointment yet. I'm getting all my information from websites like babycenter.com and whattoexpect.com. Being a person who enjoys research, I can't get enough information--which I think it becoming an unhealthy habit in this case.

I'm having 2 distinct feelings right now: detached and (I hate to say it) resentful. I bet that most ladies have this feeling of detachment during this phase of their pregnancy. I haven't seen or heard the baby (hopefully, he/she is there). The facts about the baby's development are interesting and I love sharing them with my husband--"he's the size of a blueberry right now!" Yet, I approach this information with a sense of skepticism. I mean, other than occasional episodes with morning sickness and the need for a larger sports bra, there is really no proof that all of this is happening inside my body.

My second feeling stems from a variety of sources:
1) no drinking or smoking while watching my husband/friends/family live it up.
2) the pressure to make healthy choices with my food.
3) knowing that there is not be even 1 day in the next 9 months--more likely 18 years--that I will get relief from these "mommy requirements".

I already feel guilty admitting that I feel resentful (this feeling of guilt comes from 13 years of Catholic education, my natural tendency towards perfectionism, and the blogs and books that glorify the joys of pregnancy and motherhood). I have become surprising honest with my feelings; this is thanks to my wonderfully supportive husband who never judges me and encourages me to express what I am really feeling. Thank you, babe! I know that others might judge me for feeling this way or even try to talk me out of it ("motherhood will change you" or
"you are doing this for your baby"). Maybe things will change when I see/hear the baby or when I hold him/her in my arms. But for now, I want to embrace what I am feeling and be honest with it. It's the best way for ME to deal with it.

The most annoying thing is that the above sources all feed off of one another. I always thought that the trade-off for giving up drinking/fun times would be the license to eat whatever I wanted. Not true.

For instance, on Wednesday, Josh and a friend came home early from work and were hanging out with a cocktail. I was annoyed, and Josh sensed it. OK. I can't drink. I get it. Fine. I will do it for the baby. This time period is really the only time when I-and only I-will be able to protect my baby (this feeds into my controlling nature--that comes from being the oldest of 4). Then, on Thursday, I was craving nothing but the frozen pizza with the alarming fat content that was sitting in our fridge. I flash to the pregnancy books I have been reading which advise (wisely, I suppose) that even though you are craving unhealthy food, what you are really craving are the nutrients in that food. The end game is that you should make a healthy choice that suits the craving (i.e. milk/yogurt rather than a gallon of ice cream). Next, I think over that day's menu: cereal (expelled thanks to baby), 1/2 English muffin, 3 pretzels, luna bar, McDonalds frappe, 3 chicken strips, and medium fries. No veggies or fruits today!! I'm thinking about the baby and the baby books/websites with a feeling that I really should be doing the best I can for the helpless thing in my belly who is forming his/her toes and fingers as we speak (this is just mental imagery, I don't know that it is really happening). I ate a salad.

But I think I might have that frozen pizza for lunch today. The cycle begins again.

Am I Ready for This?

The fateful day was July 8th, a normal Thursday summer afternoon. I had just finished babysitting and was feeling really exhausted. I chalked this up to how much work caring for two young children can be (let me pause here to praise all stay-at-home mothers/fathers who do this each and everyday. You rock!). Not wanting to be such an eager beaver about taking the most life-changing test anyone will ever take, I decided to put off my own "examination" until I just couldn't ignore the warning signs. Josh would be leaving for a long weekend away on Friday morning, and I knew that I would not have wanted to wait until Monday.

Here I go, all alone in our guest bathroom. I walked away to snuggle with our doggie, Piper, and to check on our new kitty, Petey. I had been so disappointed with the results of prior tests, so I played this mental game with myself: If I don't care about the results, if I put it off to the last minute, if I walk away and do my normal routine, then maybe the results (positive or negative) won't matter. This is a silly notion, though. Because I know that it is not these actions that will give the test those two lines. It is more of a self-defense mechanism. Anyone who has tried to get pregnant, whether they've tried for 1 month or 3 years, will understand why I did what I did.

Casually, I realize that 5 minutes had past and that I should return to the bathroom to check on the test. TWO LINES!! I cannot recall my exact thought process, but I am sure that it was a combination of a few emotions--85% giddyness, 5% reflief, 10% dread. Am I ready for this? I had imagined what this moment would be like many times over. Dread and anxiety was never part of the imaginary scenario. I suppose because it was just that imaginary, pretend. Now it is the real thing.

I am ready for this. I think I have to be, at this point. Right?